Courtney Burkholder

“I don’t know what happened!?!” “I did study. I just didn’t study the right answers.”

“Mom, a C minus is good. Seriously!”

“Uh, I think this was opposite day. I really passed.” Heard any of these excuses before?

Unfortunately, I hear them more in my household than I like to admit. It seems that no matter how much I encourage my children to study, work hard, do their best, pay attention, and take pride in their work; they still come home with half-finished work and red-marked papers.

I try to explain that one bad grade can significantly lower an overall grade point average, but it just doesn’t seem to sink in. Perhaps it’s their young age, and the fact that they’re more tempted by the tree house and the dog than by a desire to attend Princeton someday. Or maybe the kids are correct, and the work would stump Einstein himself. Whatever the reason … bad grades find their way into my sons’ backpacks more often than their spelling books.

For some parents, this is an ongoing battle. For others, it’s a rogue wave in a sea of straight A’s. Whatever your predicament, parents are struggling to make sense of their child’s grades and determine the best way to deal with them.

Mom: First of all, stop and think if your child is overextended with other things to really spend the time he needs to study. Make sure you are available to help review information and guide him, especially a younger child. Make sure your child understands the importance of daily study and learning so that when test time comes around, it’s not uncharted waters. Unless they are absolutely failing or you truly believe they are not trying, don’t make too big a deal out of it. Kids want their parent’s approval and want to succeed; when they think their parents are disappointed in them, it can really affect their self-worth.

Mimi: This is a little hard for me, as my children always made very good grades. (Hmmm.) However, sometimes I did find that my children chose to goof off instead of study. And this was not acceptable. For starters, give them a good talking-to! Encourage your children to do their best; expect the best from them. And when they don’t give it, the punishment is withholding favors like going to the picture show or to the fair until their grades improve.

Courtney: When it comes to grades, parents need to be on the same page. Discuss your expectations and concerns with each other and make sure you are both in agreement on the appropriate action to take. Nothing is more confusing to a child than parents who contradict each other. Talk to their teachers and get their perspective on the issue.

In the end, you know your child better than anyone. Remember, each child is different and has different abilities. Determine why he made the bad grade. Is he having trouble grasping a concept? Or is it a result of laziness, rushing, or failure to complete assignments? No child sets out to fail, so as parents, it’s our job to help determine where the problem lies and how best to help our children succeed.

Though it’s hard for me, I try not to focus on the letter grades. My children’s school has adopted new lingo for the old letter grading system. “E” is no longer for “Excellent,” it’s for “Exceptional.” And all children can’t be exceptional. “S” is no longer for “Satisfactory,” a word that always sounded quite mediocre to me. “S” now stands for “Successful.” Successful is good! Successful is what we all strive to be. “N” continues to stand for “Needs Improvement,” and who doesn’t need some improvement every once in a while? And “U” is for “Unsuccessful.” A parent’s job is two-fold; making sure their child is learning to the best of his ability while maintaining his self-esteem.

And lastly, never let your kids find copies of your old report cards!