Courtney Burkholder

“Mom, he touched me!”

“Nuh-uh, he touched me first!”

“That’s because he was looking at me.”

“Well, you don’t own the air. I can look wherever I want!”

“Well, I touched the air, and you just happen to be in it!”

Hmmm. Are you following this?

It seems that no matter how much I preach to my children about loving your sibling, speaking kindly to one another, getting along and listening to each other, my words go in one ear and out the other. The bickering never ends. My boys argue about what they want for dinner, who ate more breakfast, how to play HORSE or kickball, who took out the trash last, who won the last game of Yahtzee, who has the longest pencil, who has more homework, whose turn it is on the computer, whose breath is worse, and who played on the Spurs Championship team in 1999!

If they were locked in a room with a television set that played only one channel, they would argue about what to watch.

Sibling rivalry has long been a source of contention in families, and the catalyst for many an argument between brothers and sisters. What is it about a sibling that just brings out the worst in you? I remember as a child, growing up with a brother who was two years younger than me. I can still recall the complete and utter irritation I felt toward him during those early years. No one, and I mean no one, could frustrate me like my brother. Just the sight of his silly face or the sound of his whiny voice could make my blood boil and initiate an argument. Of course now - just as my mother predicted - we are the best of friends.

Bickering can be small and insignificant, or severe and damaging. So what’s a mother to do?

Mom: When I hear bickering, my first thought is these kids are bored. They need something to do. I used to tell my kids, if all you have to do is bicker, then I think it is time to clean your room. Then you can scoop the dog poop from the back yard and unload the dishwasher. These are great alternatives to bickering. Be firm, and if the bickering doesn’t stop, then it’s time for the Arguing Chair. Those are chairs in separate rooms where there are no TVs, Gameboys, iPods, books to look at, or even an interesting window to look out. There is nothing but the Arguing Chair. Ten minutes in a boring chair will nip bickering in the bud quickly.

Mimi: Well, it’s a hard thing to deal with. The oldest child is usually the one at fault because they can be bossy. And the younger one doesn’t like to take that. You have to get that through to the oldest child. Bossiness must not be permitted. Separate the children if it continues, and give each of them a chore. They will find out that if they have to do work, they will stop the bickering. Pulling weeds in the flowerbed, taking out the trash, anything they don’t want to do!

Courtney: Once again, I have a few “don’ts” for you. Don’t join in. Sometimes when I’m listening to a ridiculous argument about who owns the Tony Parker basketball card, I find myself shouting that it rightfully belongs to me because I paid for it! Remember, bickering isn’t always about someone being right and wrong. It’s just bickering.

Don’t let it escalate to a full-blown fight. Intervene when you must, but don’t try to solve all their problems. Give them a chance to work it out between themselves. When it gets to the point that you are about to lose it, then separate them, or separate yourself from them. If the argument is occurring at the dinner table when separation isn’t really an option, you must set rules and consequences.

Lastly, don’t forget they only live together under one roof for a limited amount of time. Most siblings argue as children, and then laugh about it as adults. The four little words I have made my mantra: This too shall pass.