Courtney Burkholder

“I’m sorry.”

They’re just two little words. Seven letters total. Yet for many of us, getting those words past our lips is more difficult than birthing a baby.

Of all the lessons we teach our children, I think learning to apologize is one of the most important. We all make mistakes. We all have regrets. We say things we don’t mean – out of anger or spite or frustration – and we hurt the people we love. I have watched myself this past week, and not a day went by when I didn’t need to apologize to someone for something. Most of the time, they were small offenses – being late to a meeting or interrupting someone when they were speaking. Those apologies came naturally and easily. No problem.

Others were bigger and more difficult – a rude comment to my spouse, or a sharp word to my child. Those apologies stuck in my throat, and I feared even a crowbar wouldn’t shake them loose. For some reason, the apologies to those I am closest to are always the hardest. Why is that?

Did my spouse deserve the rude comment that hurt his feelings? Did my child need to hear what I said in that ugly tone of voice? No. But admitting that I messed up, that I made a mistake, isn’t easy. I’m supposed to be a good wife and mother. Doesn’t admitting that I messed up negate my goodness somehow? Is admitting that I made a mistake, a sign of weakness or some fatal character flaw?

Of course not.

It’s human nature to mess up. We all do it. And when we mess up, it’s important to make it right. In my opinion, the person that can admit that they have done something wrong and apologize for it is the epitome of a good person. It’s a sign of maturity and self-confidence. And the parent that can apologize to the child and admit that he/she made a mistake is even better.

Parents, the most important lessons we teach our children, we teach by example - kindness, empathy, Christ-like behavior. It’s hugely important that we learn to apologize to our children and ask for their forgiveness when we make mistakes. It’s easy to say “Apologize to your sister!” or “Say you’re sorry, young man, or you’ll get a time out!” But to get down on your knees, eye-level with your child and admit, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Will you forgive me?” is worth more than 2,000 time-outs.

Here are some basic rules of thumb:

1. Sincerity is key. An apology mumbled to your feet or accompanied by an eye-roll means nothing, so don’t waste your breath. If you’re going to apologize, you need to look the other person in the eye and make it meaningful.

2. Be specific. What exactly are you sorry for? To me, this is accountability. It’s taking ownership for what you did wrong, and it’s an important part of the forgiveness process.

3. Accept someone’s sincere apology. “Sorry isn’t good enough!” is what’s not good enough. Forgive and forget. It’s important. Don’t hold grudges, especially against your child. When my children apologize, I make sure to give them a hug or a smile and tell them they are forgiven.

Parents, remember this is one of those life lessons your children will carry on into their adult lives. Without the skill to admit wrong doing and apologize, healthy, happy relationships aren’t possible. Establishing this basic principle into their lives will make growing up an imperfect human much easier.

Now, if I’ve offended anyone with my opinions, I am truly sorry, and I hope you will forgive me.

See how easy it is?