Courtney Burkholder
Mommy Matters 

I’ve been worrying a lot lately. Even though I know it doesn’t do any good, I just can’t seem to help myself.

I worry about the children, the upcoming holidays, my busy week. I worry about my husband’s business and bills and my parents’ health and the dog’s cough. I worry about my weight and the new wrinkles appearing around my eyes. I worry about the Spurs upcoming season!

If there is anything – and I mean anything – that might affect my family, I’m prone to worry about it. In a sense, this is normal.

But when worrying disrupts your daily routine, hinders your ability to function throughout the day, or keeps you from sleeping at night, then it’s no longer normal. Worrying can be a real problem unto itself.

Mom and Dad, did you know that kids worry, too? They do. Their worries can be triggered by big events such as a move, illness, or a death in the family. They also worry about common things.

In a recent poll taken by KidsHealth.org, the top three worries for kids ages 9 to 13 were grades, looks or appearance and problems at home. Again, a fair amount of worry is normal. For example, if they didn’t study for their science test, they may be worried about getting a good grade. This kind of stress is normal and can be alleviated by studying prior to the test.

But what about problems at home? If there are financial strains or a pending divorce, children will certainly worry, but there is very little they can do to change the situation. So parents, it’s up to you to recognize when worry has gone too far and help your kids deal with their stress in a healthy way.

Watch for these symptoms that might indicate your child is worrying too much:

Physical symptoms: headaches, upset stomach, sleep disturbances, nightmares, bedwetting, decreased appetite, stuttering.

Emotional symptoms: anxiety, restlessness, fears, clinging, anger, crying, whining, aggression, stubbornness.

If you feel your child is worrying too much, here are some things to do to help alleviate their stress:

Talk about it. One of the best stress relievers for any of us is to get the worry off our chest and out into the open. When worries build up inside us, it’s easy to let a problem or worry take over our lives. By talking about it, we not only get another person’s perspective, but we also get a more realistic look at the problem we are worrying about. Encourage your children to talk to you about how they are feeling and what they are worrying about.

Reinforce self-esteem. Do everything that you can to make your children feel wanted and loved. Insecurities will only increase their worry and stress, so keep building that self-confidence.

Be aware of your own worry and stress level. It’s virtually impossible to hide all the stress you feel from your children, but don’t make your worries their worries. Try not to talk about what is worrying you in front of them. Be a strong, healthy example to your children on how to deal with stress and worry.

Most important, don’t hesitate to seek professional help if your child’s worries seem to be abnormal.

One of my dearest friends shared the Serenity Prayer with me, and I want to share it with you now: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

(Resources: www.kidshealth.org; www.mentalhealth.org/child)