Leonard Sutton
All Things Considered

I was driving home from work the other day and was at a red light when I noticed something in front of me that made me frown with disgust. The motorcycle rider in front of me had a sticker on the back of his helmet which included one word, and only one word. What was the word? Fans of the holiday movie “A Christmas Story” know this word; the “mother of all four letter words.” That’s right, it rhymes with “truck.”

Now I’m no prude, and I’ve often said that every word, whether profound or profane, has its own proper application and context. But the application on the helmet was in no context at all, just there on the sticker, on the helmet. It wasn’t even being used as a verb or a noun, or a dangling participle.

OK, that was a cheap excuse to use the phrase “dangling participle,” so sue me. The point is that the rider was displaying this word for one reason: shock value. Was he trying to prove how cool or daring he was? Remember, this was on the back of his helmet. If he was such a daring and cool rebel (without a clue, I’m sure) why is he even wearing a helmet?

This is one reason why I oppose the use of bumper stickers. Bumper stickers force the reader to read them. You can’t avoid reading a bumper sticker, or a billboard for that matter. Let’s face it, you (and I know you do, because we all do) read every bumper sticker within eyesight. That’s why there are road signs, for Pete’s sake. That’s also why billboards have been used to advertise since advertising was invented.

I know what some of you will say when you read this: “Hey, it’s freedom of speech, man!” Of course it is, but in this case freedom of speech infringes on the common sense of society as a whole. What if I had some 6-year-olds with me and, because their fertile little minds are learning faster than we adults are prepared for, they tried to read the sticker because they love learning to read and had asked me “what does (that word) mean?”

That’s a word they should learn on their own, sometime much later, after they reach a less innocent age (say, around 18).

Freedom of speech is a beautiful thing. So is the freedom to not grow up before you should, and that includes learning grown-up words at too early of an age.

All things considered, bumper stickers in general are asinine, in my opinion. If you have a bumper sticker on your car, that doesn’t mean you’re asinine, make no mistake of that. However, bumper stickers force the opinion of those sporting the sticker on everyone who has the ability to read.

I can tell who you voted for in the last election, which NFL or NBA team is your favorite, what social organizations you may belong to, what your “other” car is, who is your co-pilot, and where your kids and your money go to college.

Bumper stickers are not like tattoos, though. People who get tattoos choose to do so. I never heard of a car requesting a sticker because it’s cool. And besides, I really don’t care what your other car is.

Leonard Sutton can be reached at: leonard.sutton@ yahoo.com.