By Courtney Burkholder 

The one constant in our lives is change. People change, situations change, families change, and our lives change. New cities, new homes, new jobs, new schools, new friends.

And there are special people in this world that thrive on change. They live for the excitement of something new and different in their lives; they look forward to stepping out into unknown territory and trying something they’ve never done before.

And then there are the rest of us.

We thrive on the tried and true, we flourish in our own self-made rut, we find comfort in the people and places we know so well, and we live for the routine of our day. It’s safe. It’s predictable. It’s comfortable.

Children, like adults, have different personalities. Some are outgoing, others reserved. I doubt I will ever understand how my two sons – cooked in the same belly and raised by the same parents – could be so completely and utterly opposite. Personality differences certainly affect how a child will handle change. But all children thrive when they feel a sense of security in their lives. So what happens when something comes along and upsets the apple cart?

Oftentimes, change takes a parent as much by surprise as a child – a divorce, a death in the family, a move, an addition to the family. But even small changes in their lives can seem huge to a child – a new home, the death of a family pet, a new bed or teacher. How we deal with our own feelings about the change will have a huge impact on how our children deal with change, so be very self-aware and know that children pick up on everything. And there are many things we can do to make an adjustment as easy as possible on a child.

Assure your child that you love them and that you are there for them. Security comes from within, and when their external world is changing, keep their internal world as safe and secure as possible.

Don’t minimize their feelings or concerns. If it’s a new house and they’re sad to leave the room where they have always slept, take a special picture of them in their room to put in a frame for their new room. If it’s the death of a pet, hold a ceremony in the backyard to say goodbye. Just like us, children need to feel that their feelings are justified. Allow them to be sad or scared or angry, and then gently guide them toward acceptance.

Emphasize positive aspects of the change. Your attitude will have a huge impact on their attitude. Children sense our feelings, and if we are positive about the change, they will be more positive.

Keeping the rest of their lives as “normal” as possible can also help a child deal with change. Maintain their routine if possible, and do extra activities that help your child feel secure and grounded.

Finally, there are wonderful professionals who are available to help your child if you feel their feelings of despondency or sadness or anxiety about a change is not improving.